this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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