Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
