Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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