oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
