Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
