Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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