Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
