so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
