I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
