listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
