Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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