Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
