She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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