Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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