i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
