When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
