I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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