Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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