yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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