I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
