I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
