i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
