im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
