My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
