my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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