hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
