her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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