i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
third nipple confirmed
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
