one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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