I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
