we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
my poor anus
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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