if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im six kinds of drunk right now
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
