she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Every concussion has its silver lining
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
