yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
