in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
