So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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