I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
