Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
