How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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