from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
