my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
