Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
