your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
