Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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