Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
