I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
