I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
no. you can't hotbox the world.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
