Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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