I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
you never un-have a 4some
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
