I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
