that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
