She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
