K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
he just fucked me for my cheese..
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
