He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
