I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
