Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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