So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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