the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
