not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
