I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
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