Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
