Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My nipple is on Facebook.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize