My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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