i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
