you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
