I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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