Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
