so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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