Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
