What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
