I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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